just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
