I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
