the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
