it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
