operation have a gay friend backfired
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
