Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
try to milk me bitch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize