I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
