Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
