Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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