guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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