so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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