...so i touched it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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