He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
