You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
