Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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