I just pynch a tree in the face
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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