When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
