i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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