i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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