I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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