I cockslap morals
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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