We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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