On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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