I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
