grandma shit on top of the toilet
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
