I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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