She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
