He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
