Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
