do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
