I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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