im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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