Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
