you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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