How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
