my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
