I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
