battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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