I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just invented taco cereal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
