Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
