he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
