Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Randomize
