Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
