So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
