I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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