wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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