I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
