Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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