so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i permit you to call me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
