Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
